25.9.09

TOPIC OF CHOICE




21.9.09

SO KEISHA BUCHANAN IS OUT, IT'S A STITCH UP CHECKS UP ON WHO COULD REPLACE THIS SULTRY SOULSTRESS











LFW REPORT 5 CONTINUED - EVIDENCE


EYES COVERED TO PREVENT SIGHTINGS OF TITS AND MINGE ACCORDINGLY.

LFW REPORT 5 - IT'S A STITCH UP'S CATWALK DEBUT

RIGHT, FOR THE RECORD, THIS DID ACTUALLY HAPPEN. IT'S NOT QUITE AS GRANDIOSE OR AMAZING AS IT LOOKS. BASICALLY, THEY NEEDED TWO MALE MODELS, AND BEING A SKINNY WORK EXPERIENCER, I AGREED TO DO IT FOR THEM, IF ANYTHING FOR THE EGO BOOST.

IT WAS INDEED, EGO BOOSTING, BUT ALSO PANT WEETINGLY SCARY.

THIS OUTFIT WAS DEVISED BY A GROUP OF YOUTH DESIGNERS. THE SHOW WAS STILL WATCHED BY BLOODY LOADS OF PEOPLE AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED BY SO MANY CAMERA'S AT THE SAME SECOND. WHAT AM I SAYING, OF COURSE I'VE NEVER BEEN. ALTHOUGH, KNOWING WHAT MY GROUP OF FRIENDS ARE LIKE WITH THEIR DIGITAL CAMERAS, THERE IS A SMALL CHANCE. BUT ANYWAY.

I ASKED ONE OF THE OTHER REAL MODELS WHAT I NEEDED TO DO AND ALL SHE SAID WAS JUST MOVE TO THE MUSIC. I HAVE TO SAY, I HAVE A SLIGHT NEW FOUND RESPECT FOR MODELS. THEY EAT NOTHING, GET PRODDED, POKED AND FORCED TO WEAR SOMETIMES RIDICULOUS THINGS AND ALSO BE CAPABLE OF WALKING THIRTY METRES WITHOUT FALLING OVER OR TRIPPING (AN IMPOSSIBLE THING IN MY LIFE).

THERE ISN'T MUCH ELSE TO SAY ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE AS A WHOLE, BUT I NEEDED A WEE REALLY BADLY, I QUITE LIKED THE TROUSERS, BUT NOT THE HEAD PIECE, AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN SO MUCH TIT AND VAGINA IN REAL LIFE AS I DID BEHIND THE SCENES AT THE SHOW AT FASHION WEEK. LORD ABOVE.

LFW REPORT 3 - [F] ASH'S F[ASH]ION FIX!!!!!!!


HOLY FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!
CONVERSATION FOLLOWS:
JAMES: ASH, THATS MARTIN FROM EASTENDERS
ASH: OOEH HELLO
JAMES: SO MARTIN, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW? I SEE SONIA IS DOING STRICTLY, WHY ARENT YOU?
MARTIN FOWLER: SHE'S AN IDIOT! I DIDN'T WANT TO TO. I'M DOING MORE SERIOUS THINGS.
JAMES: AH YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW MARTIN?
MARTIN FOWLER: I'VE JUST DONE AN ITV DRAMA [this does not count as serious itsastitchup] AND I'M ABOUT TO DO THE THEATRE.
JAMES: GREAT! CAN I JUST GET A PHOTO OF YOU!
ITSASTITCHUP GETS ITS FIRST CELEBRITY EXSCLUSIVE. WATCH THIS SPACE. ITSASTICTHUP ALSO THOUGHT MARTIN WAS QUITE FIT.

LFW REPORT 4 - AFTER PARTY 1


THE COOLEST PEOPLE IN TOWN HAD ARRIVED.

LFW REPORT 3 - GEMMA SLACK


SEX DWARF PLAYED OVER THIS SHOW. I WAS SMITTEN.

LFW REPORT 2 - CHARLIE LE MINDU







































THIS WAS MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE OF THE FEW SHOWS THAT I SAW ON SATURDAY - THE TOP COUPLE OF OUTFITS WERE AWESOME, I SERIOUSLY WANT TO WEAR THE BIG BLACK HAIR HELMET. THE MODELS MUST HAVE BEEN BOILING.


I WAS REALLY REMINDED OF THIS PARTICULAR DOCTOR WHO MONSTER, CIRCA 1965 - A 'MONOID'...

LFW REPORT 1 - ESSENTIAL TO START THE DAY HEALTHY
























I LEARNT THAT THE BEST WAY TO START A DAY HELPING BEHIND THE SCENES AT LONDON FASHION WEEK IS TO EAT ONE OF THESE.

15.9.09

THE IMPORTANCE OF NATTER.
















A CATCHUP OVER A CUP OF TEA IS THE WAY FORWARD. ESPECIALLY, IF SAT ATOP THE BAYTREE CAFE IN GODALMING, SURROUNDED BY 'ARTISTES' PAINTINGS (THEY WERE SELLING THEM FOR £300 -£300! THAT ONE IN THE BACK WITH THE YELLOW BACKGROUND OF A NAKED OLD MAN IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE A DRESSING GOWN - £300!!!)

14.9.09

ATTITUDE EXCLUSIVE




EXCLUSIVE SNAPS, COURTESY OF FRANCISCO SERRANO, PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE ATTITUDE SHOOT. PERHAPS WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL THAT THESE ONES WEREN'T PRINTED.


HOT BOY DANCING SPOT INDEED.
UNFORTUNATELY, PICTURES OF ASH PAINTING MY BACK AS THOUGH IT WERE AN EASEL WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.
FOR THE BEST, PROBABLY.






















































11.9.09

BEYOND COOL


YUM FACE




FIRST MEAL AT TOUCHARD TOGTHER. YUM FACES ALL ROUND.

THAT GUY OFF THE APPRENTICE


EVERY ONE THOUGHT HE WAS WELL FIT, BUT I COULDN'T GET PAST HIS TITISH BEHAVIOUR.
TIT.

BASTARD BATTY BASS








THE FINAL BBB TOOK PLACE THE OTHER DAY (NO, NOT THAT BBB, BUT WE CAN BUT DREAM).

IT WAS ALRIGHT. I WORE A PINK VEST AND LOOKED LIKE A RIGHT TIT.

HERE'S STEPH, CARINA AND MYSELF ENJOYING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH EACH OTHER HAVING NOT SPENT ENOUGH TIME IN EACH OTHERS COMPANY SINCE THE DISSIPATION OF CLEEVE HOUSE (IT'S NAME BE PRAISED.)

MOSTLY LISTENING TO THIS BEAST


SHAKIRA
'SHE WOLF'

10.9.09

MORE OF A TABLE WINE...













OH HOW THE MAN IN SNAPPY SNAPS COOED; I FELT VERY ARTISTIC INDEED. THE DISPOSABLE CAMERA PICTURES FROM PARIS HAVE BEEN DEVELOPED, WITH THE MOST LOVELY YELLOWY TINGE. HE TOLD ME THEY WERE SOME OF THE LOVELIEST EXPOSURES HE'D SEEN.THIS IS ME STOOD ON TOP OF A HUGE STAIRWAY TO NOWHERE.




MEGA LOLZ




AN APPOSIITE EPITHET.

THE BARNETT GUIDE TO SELF HELP*


















































DISCO BLOOD BATH







































ONE OF THE HOTTEST NIGHTS OF MY LIFE. WHEN THE CEILING IS DRIPPING WITH SWEAT, YOU KNOW YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. IT WAS LITERALLY IN A DISUSED BRIC A BRAC STORE, IT COST WAY TO MUCH TO GET IN, AND IT WENT ON TILL ABOUT 6 AM. GOOD TIMES WERE HAD BY ALL. THE TOILET ARRANGEMENT'S WERE TOP NOTCH TOO - A WIDE SQUARE ROOM IN WHICH YOU COULD PISS WHEREVER YOU LIKED. OR SO I WAS LED TO BELIEVE.
















STEPH LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME















CATHERINE AND HER FRIEND DECIDED TO COME ALONG. I'M NOT SURE EVEN I KNEW WHAT TO EXPECT. I DON'T THINK THEY APPRECIATED THE TOILET ARRANGEMENTS MUCH. AND THE HACKNEY SUPERMARKET LOCATION. "WILL IT BE TOO COOL FOR US?"

9.9.09

AN UPDATE & GENERAL COMPUTER FURY

IT'S A STITCH UP WILL BE UPDATED SHORTLY. HAVING BEEN IN LONDON THE LAST WEEK, I'VE GOT VARIOUS NEW PICTURES TO UPLOAD AND ONE OR TWO STORIES TO TELL.

HOWEVER, AS PER USUAL, MY F*&^%$%^$£%£CKING INTERNET CONNECTION COURTESY OF CASA WESTWARD COUNTRY RETREAT IS BEING SO SHIT IT MIGHT AS WELL BE CHEWING MY BOLLOCKS OFF.

I HATE COMPUTERS.

I HAVE WISDOM TEETH ISSUES.

I NEED TO GET OFF MY ARSE AND FINISH WRITING A VERY IMPORTANT ESSAY.